Good morning. Thank god it’s Thursday. At least I’ve got that going for me. Today did not start off well at all. I was woken abruptly at 5:45 this morning by a buzzing sound very near my ear. I freaked out and started swatting blindly around me. Of course, I completely missed what I have now determined to be a mosquito.
How do I know it was a mosquito? Because about 5 seconds later I noticed something funny going on with my lip. It felt strange. I laid in bed for 10 more minutes and then got up and headed to the bathroom. I was met in the mirror by a girl with a giant Angelina Jolie lip on only one half of her mouth.
Panick set in. I had to go to work. I looked hideous, deformed, grotesque. Panick rises. I wake Hubby up, screeching about mosquitoes and giant lips. He looks at me briefly through sleep-filled eyes and goes back to sleep. I ice my lip. I look in the mirror again. It looks bigger. And now I’ve noticed a second bite on my cheek.
I give up on the staring and hop in the shower. I decidedly avoid the mirror when I get out and simply apply some cortizone cream to the attacked areas. I eat and get dressed and then stare hard at my make-up bag. We had some serious work to do. Normally, I wear little-to-no make-up to work. Today I brought it all out: cover-up, powder, concealer, bronzer, and I went to town. Here is the result.
Not too shabby right. I almost look normal. But then here’s my lip up close…
See the difference up close? The left side (if you’re looking at it, it’s on the right facing you) is swollen and puffy. I asked one of my co-workers and she said she really could not tell, so I’m just going to keep re-covering up all day.
But this evening it’s on. I am tearing the house apart and vacuuming and cleaning that mosquito out! I will Lysol his little flying biting butt to death.
I should really be used to this by now. Mosquitos absolutely love me. For the record, I wasn’t wearing any perfume or lotion yesterday. There is just something in my skin or blood that draws them in. I’m like the Sooki Stackhouse to their mosquito vampirish ways. I’m too delicious to pass up. If I sit by a camp fire for a mere 5 minutes without bug spray on, I will be devoured. Hubby can sit there all night and they won’t even throw him a passing glance. And what makes it worse is that I have pretty severe reactions to their bites. Big giant welts that take forever to disappear. Fun times.
I apologize for this little rant, but you can’t imagine what a frustrating morning I’ve had. And then a little boy on the bus was staring at me and whispering to his mother and I thought for sure he was telling her he was afraid of the ogre-like woman with bloated lips sitting across from him. What a lesson in humility that was. Never again will I EVER look too long at someone with a birth mark or any other noticeable physical abnormality.
I guess it also made me think about what effect my physical appearance has on my confidence. And while I like to pretend that I don’t judge people based on their looks, I’m sure I do. I think I will make it a point to do less of that in the future. After all, they too could have been savagely attacked during a peaceful slumber.
I guess the upside (I’m really still struggling trying to find one) is that now I kind of know what I would look like with a collagen injection. And I think it’s pretty safe to say that collagen is not in my future.
Have a good Thursday all. Yours truly – “Angelina For a Day”